Susan Stiffelman embodies a unique blend of licensed psychotherapist, credentialed teacher, beloved auntie and down to earth mom. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles is based on her work with thousands of parents and children, from celebrities to everyday moms and pops.

     In her book, Susan offers solid, rubber meets the road advice that has been thoroughly tested on kids of all ages and demographics. At the same time that she draws on her solid training and experience, her approach to raising kids falls into step with the spiritually-based understanding of people like Eckhart Tolle and Marianne Williamson.

     Susan is an adventurer: She took her 15 year old son on a two and a half month trip to Uganda, Tanzania, Australia and New Zealand. The trip included volunteering at the community outreach compound of former Black Panther Pete O’Neil, visiting Masai tribes, and spending time at village schools in both Africa and Maori establishments in New Zealand.

     She’s an innovative teacher: She was employed as a private teacher for a family whose international travels allowed her to teach—and learn—what it means to be a global citizen from day to day experiences. The experiences she had also shaped her understanding of what a child can learn when given unbridled freedom and inspiration.

     She’s a passionate educator, homeschooling her own son until the age of eleven, taking him around the world—including India when he was two years old—and educating him in such a way that he received a scholarship at American University where he studies Peace and Conflict Resolution in their International Studies program

     Susan’s an outside-the-box thinker: She taught herself Hindi as a teenager and when she rean out of people to practice her conversational skills, she began calling people named "Singh" out of the phone book.

     She’s a dynamo: Diagnosed with the ADHD label, she manages to accomplish more in a week than many do in months, juggling writing her book with maintaining a private therapy practice, conducting parenting workshops, writing an online advice column, conducting telephone parent coaching sessions, all the while raising her teenage son.

     And finally, Susan is deeply committed to enjoying her life, living with appreciation and having fun. She has had a regular meditation practice since she was seventeen years old, and has always made the nourishment of her heart and soul as a number one priority.

     Susan lives in Malibu, California with her son (when he's not off at college), her dog Rosie, and a full and grateful heart.

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Interview questions: 

1. Is it really possible to win power struggles with your kids? Is that what your book is about?

2. What does it mean when you say that parents should be the Captain of the ship in their child’s life? Do you mean they should be in control? Aren’t progressive parents going to argue that this is a throwback to the fifties: “Do it because I said so…!”

3. How in the world can I keep my cool when my kids are knowingly, often enthusiastically pushing my buttons and pulling my trigger?

4. I’m intrigued by the “Act I, Act II” model you’ve come up with and it makes a lot of sense. Can you explain how it works, in terms of motivating kids to really tell you what’s going on for them, and waking up their instincts to cooperate and take your advice?

5. You come out and say that kids are wired to resist being bossed around. If that’s true, how can we get them to tie their shoes or turn off the TV and come to dinner?

6. One of your suggestions is called the Three Yesses. Can you elaborate on that, and how it makes kids more likely to do what you ask?

7. In your book you talk about inoculating kids against depression and peer pressure. How do you do that?

8. Is there a way to rekindle a close connection to a child if things have been tense and the child has been shut down for a long time?

9. Can you explain the idea of coming alongside a child, rather than coming at them? What would that look like if, for instance, I had to confront my child about cheating on homework or hitting his sister?

10. What is one thing I could do today, when I see my son or daughter, that would improve our relationship?

11. You’ve traveled all over the world with your son. How do you think it affected him, and how did it impact your sensibilities as a parent and a therapist?

12. I see that you refer to yourself as a rather unconventional therapist, and readily admit that many people have suffered at the hands of poor therapy. Do you think therapy is a waste of time and money?

13. You are yourself diagnosed with ADHD. What does that mean to you? How does it affect your life?

14. What can parents do with kids who are so easily frustrated about things? How is your approach different, and how does it prevent them from becoming aggressive, as you claim you can do?

15.  You talk about the fact that parents shouldn’t need anything from their children. That sounds like anarchy! What do you mean? 

16. Why do you say that children don’t like having control over their parents. Most kids seem to fight long and hard to win every battle. How can you say they don’t want to run the show when they act like they do!

17.  You talk about the negative effects of video games and TV in the chapter about unwinding without electricity. Are you suggesting kids shouldn’t be allowed to have access to these things?

18.  You traveled through Uganda and Tanzania with your son, and in earlier years, India and other countries. What do you think he learned from his experiences?

19.  Is there anything in your book that would help stepparents get along better with their stepkids? Can you talk about this?

20.  If a parent has been doing it “wrong” for years, is it really possible that they can regain the helm of the ship, so to speak, and become Captain. Wont their kids mutiny?